What Is Humility?
Humility has several meanings:
- Understanding that there are many things I do not know or cannot know. It is the opposite of arrogance, which means to think that I already know something when in fact I do not.
- The ability to admit that I don’t know something, and admit mistakes.
- The opposite of bragging, which is to show everyone I know something, or boast that I managed to do something in order to show everyone how successful I am. Such behavior attempts to disguise lack of self-confidence and a need for approval from others.
- The opposite of vanity, which is to showcase my wealth, to show how much I am “worth”, so that others will respect me.
Admitting I don’t know
Humility also includes the willingness (and sometimes courage) to acknowledge that I do not know something, to admit it and to say “I do not know.” Even more than that - if I find out that I have made a mistake, to admit it instead of clinging to it because of a fragile ego.
I used to think it was shameful to admit that I didn’t know something, because I assumed people would think I was stupid or not educated if they knew I didn’t know something and if I asked about it. For example, if during a conversation someone used a word I didn’t know, I was afraid to ask what it meant.
But over the years, it has become clear to me that almost no one judges me negatively if I say I do not know and ask a question (and even if there is someone who scoffs at me, this is unkind towards me, so I don’t care). This is the only way I can learn - if I don’t ask, how will I know? (As the saying goes: “nor will a shy person learn”). Sometimes I even find that there are other people around me who don’t know something but are ashamed to ask, and when I do ask and receive an answer, the answer also helps them, and they thank me for asking.
The same goes for making mistakes. What is really needed for success in life is a mindset of growth and learning. Almost everyone who succeeded in life came to it only after trying a lot and failing a lot, and admitting that he did not know and asking a lot of questions, thus learning from the experience.
Why Do People Pretend They Know?
Why are people trying so hard to put on a mask of a know-it-all? Probably because we live in a very competitive and judgmental society that assigns people scores according to achievements in academic and behavioral tests (there are even TV shows where people receive prizes if they know the greatest number of insignificant trivia facts). Children who do not get high marks on tests are berated and reprimanded by teachers and parents, and out of fear of losing their love, the kids try to hide it when they do not know something, and so they pretend they do. They absorb the devastating belief that outcome and ultimate success are paramount, so they constantly try to present a mask of a wise person who knows everything. They essentially cover up for basic lack of self-confidence. This whole concealment effort is very tiring and unnecessary.
It is also possible that our brains have developed in the evolutionary process to jump to conclusions quickly, because in the jungle conditions, when you hear a rumble in the bushes, there is no time for philosophical reflection and in-depth examination of several hypotheses. In such an emergency, a quick decision must be made that there is danger, and one needs to act accordingly. So if we now try some “alternative medicine” and later feel better, our brains tend to hastily conclude from this one case that the drug really works, even though it’s a coincidence, and this “drug” has no real effect (other than psychological effect - the placebo effect).
Limitations on Knowing
Even when I think I already know something with a high degree of certainty, it is still wise to remain humble, keep an open mind, and be ready to re-examine and discover that what I believed is in fact wrong or inaccurate. Rethinking our conclusions, opinions, beliefs, values, and ideology: “Is this really true? Maybe we made a mistake?” Those who close themselves to this possibility actually close themselves to the truth and to the possibility to discover new, interesting and useful things.
We also have to understand that there are things that in principle we will never be able to know. For example, every person has “blind spots,” things he cannot see for himself and only others can see and know and tell him, such as the effect he has on others, or what he looks like when he lectures to an audience. The wise person understands this and initiates asking others about things he cannot know for himself, and requests feedback on his performance and behavior.